TWO DUKIES PICK THE ACC
Volume XV, Episode 17
ONCE . . . TWICE . . . THREE TIMES A D-BAG EDITION 
March 9, 2012

(10) VIRGINIA POLYTECHNIC (16-16, 4-12) v. (2) #6 DUKE (26-5, 13-3)

Matt's comments in blue. 
Thank Horns' comments in white. 
Stickjerker's comments in ivory. 

MINI-ME DEPARTMENT:  I'm exhausted by this team.  I'm exhausted by Bullethead, looking uncomfortably like a penis, performing verbal sex acts on every single member of the Tool unit, from 1 to 27, during the MDCP "game."  I'm exhausted by Duke's efforts to hide the fact that Ryan Kelly was accidentally teleported to Rigel IV during practice.  I'm exhausted by the fact that we have to play StreetHoodU for the THIRD time this season.  Do we get our green belts for this, Miyagi-san?  Wax off, Fester.  So, anyway, the upshot is that this has to be a really small edition, as in, a carton of Enzyte won't help it.  Sorry.  

VOTE IN THE POLL DEPARTMENT:  I want 75 votes for each round of the All-Overrated Team.  The poll is in the upper left of the page.  This site has about 10,000 regular readers, give or take - - which is both impressive and pitiful.  But what's really pathetic is that I have to beg for 75 votes.  It goes like this.  Are you here?  Have you voted in the poll?  If the answers were "yes" and "no," then vote in the poll.  Please!  Thanks.  

STICKJERKER DEPARTMENT:  If you remember him, you've been around a while.  Anyway, I decided to let him write again today.  

NORTH CAROLINA SKATE DEPARTMENT:  You know how this works, right?  If the Woofers are on our side of the bracket, they're unstoppable beasts.  Think of one of those great movie trailers done by The Voice that have now unfortunately been replaced by what looks like closed captioning for morons.  (And The Voice passed away, too, sadly.)  IN A WORLD . . . WHERE NO TWO OF MARK GOTTFRIED'S BRAIN CELLS HAVE SEEN EACH OTHER IN WEEKS . . . ONE TEAM WILL RISE ABOVE THE FRAY!  [farm animal noises]  FIGHT - - THE POWER!!!  [tractor ignition]  IN LAYING IT ALL!  ON THE LIIIIIIIINE!!!   Oh, but then if they're not on our side of the bracket, then they look fine until they face NCCH, at which point they fall over like they just got pimpslapped by Pacquiao.  What dooshes.  Hey, I warned you that this edition was not going to be deep.  Hopefully you've laughed at least once.  That may be it, though.  

WE NOW PRESENT WHO ARE THESE CLOWNS: 

You mean Duke?  Oh, VPI!  Right.  Trying to save myself a little work there, as summarizing the key players for Duke wouldn't take more than a few ticks.  Anyway, it's the same guys we played about thirteen days ago; Davila's still out, so it's: 

Dorian Finney-Smith, 6-8 FR - - jumping-jack goofball who can't control himself and has no shooting filter whatsoever; not a game takeover threat.

Cadarian Raines, 6-9 JR - - bulky thug who set a vicious backpick for TT in the game in Cameron, then glowered over Tyler as he writhed in pain on the floor; nothing but class for this program, of course.  

Jarell Eddie, 6-7 SO - - up-and-down guy who shoots pretty well, but can't defend and has actually been seen fleeing rebounds.  Like Finney-Smith, his height is not a huge asset and he's not bulky.  Will struggle if Duke's large humans actually materialize.   

Erick Green, 6-4 JR - - the point guard and a guy I'm really tired of.  We made him look great and so did Clemson in the quarters-plus round, but he struggled against NCSU in the regular season finale.  Why?  Because he can't play against bigger defenders.  Why oh why don't we put Rivers on him??  And have Rivers play the point too?  Am I the only one who has these ideas??  

Dorenzo Hudson, 6-5 SR - - also struggled against NCSU, because, again, he needs to be guarded by a small guy in order to score points.  So can Rivers be assigned to guard *him*, anyway?  Hello?  Coach K? 

BENCH?  Uhh.  Sure. 

C.J. Barksdale, 6-8 FR - - unidimensional garbage collector. 

Robert Brown, 6-5 FR - - no defense, no boarding, can't shoot, fouls a lot, and features terrible ballhandling.  Did I miss anything? 

Marquis Rankin, 6-1 FR - - relief guard; when he comes in, it's a relief - - to the other team. 
 
BOTTOM LINE THIS FOR ME, PLEASE:

VPI will thug it up like the hoods they are, and because "they always play Duke tough," and we don't have Ryan Kelly, and black cat Len Elmore is doing the game, and for a thousand other reasons . . . none of that will matter and Duke will probably win by 15.  Capricious, are these Blue Devils.  Look, we're a lot more talented, that's for sure.  Hey, can Michael Gbinije play for seven minutes or so, before shipping out, and has anyone found Andre Dawkins?  I miss that guy.  Anyway, Kelly's minutes will presumably be swallowed up by the other two (2) acknowledged forwards, and oh yes, Hairston will play ten minutes if he's not still concussed.  Will this be enough?  Who knows. 

Duke 70, Virginia Polytechnic 68. 


Last Edition: 
Matt 0-1

This Season: 
Matt 10-6 
Guests 2-0

Last Edition's Score Prediction Margin Variance: 
Enormous

Last Season:
Matt 52-18
Guests 3-3