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TD: VPI (3) Game Post/Blog

Date: 3/9/2012

Two Dukies  
Posted By: Matt

Volume XV, Episode 17
March 9, 2012

(10) VIRGINIA POLYTECHNIC (16-16, 4-12) v. (2) #6 DUKE (26-5, 13-3)

Matt's comments in
Thank Horns' comments in white. 
Stickjerker's comments in ivory. 

MINI-ME DEPARTMENT:  I'm exhausted by this team.  I'm exhausted by Bullethead, looking uncomfortably like a penis, performing verbal sex acts on every single member of the Tool unit, from 1 to 27, during the MDCP "game."  I'm exhausted by Duke's efforts to hide the fact that Ryan Kelly was accidentally teleported to Rigel IV during practice.  I'm exhausted by the fact that we have to play StreetHoodU for the THIRD time this season.  Do we get our green belts for this, Miyagi-san?  Wax off, Fester.  So, anyway, the upshot is that this has to be a really small edition, as in, a carton of Enzyte won't help it.  Sorry.  

VOTE IN THE POLL DEPARTMENT:  I want 75 votes for each round of the All-Overrated Team.  The poll is in the upper left of the page.  This site has about 10,000 regular readers, give or take - - which is both impressive and pitiful.  But what's really pathetic is that I have to beg for 75 votes.  It goes like this.  Are you here?  Have you voted in the poll?  If the answers were "yes" and "no," then vote in the poll.  Please!  Thanks.  

STICKJERKER DEPARTMENT:  If you remember him, you've been around a while.  Anyway, I decided to let him write again today.  

NORTH CAROLINA SKATE DEPARTMENT:  You know how this works, right?  If the Woofers are on our side of the bracket, they're unstoppable beasts.  Think of one of those great movie trailers done by The Voice that have now unfortunately been replaced by what looks like closed captioning for morons.  (And The Voice passed away, too, sadly.)  IN A WORLD . . . WHERE NO TWO OF MARK GOTTFRIED'S BRAIN CELLS HAVE SEEN EACH OTHER IN WEEKS . . . ONE TEAM WILL RISE ABOVE THE FRAY!  [farm animal noises]  FIGHT - - THE POWER!!!  [tractor ignition]  IN LAYING IT ALL!  ON THE LIIIIIIIINE!!!   Oh, but then if they're not on our side of the bracket, then they look fine until they face NCCH, at which point they fall over like they just got pimpslapped by Pacquiao.  What dooshes.  Hey, I warned you that this edition was not going to be deep.  Hopefully you've laughed at least once.  That may be it, though.  


You mean Duke?  Oh, VPI!  Right.  Trying to save myself a little work there, as summarizing the key players for Duke wouldn't take more than a few ticks.  Anyway, it's the same guys we played about thirteen days ago; Davila's still out, so it's: 

Dorian Finney-Smith, 6-8 FR - - jumping-jack goofball who can't control himself and has no shooting filter whatsoever; not a game takeover threat.

Cadarian Raines, 6-9 JR - - bulky thug who set a vicious backpick for TT in the game in Cameron, then glowered over Tyler as he writhed in pain on the floor; nothing but class for this program, of course.  

Jarell Eddie, 6-7 SO - - up-and-down guy who shoots pretty well, but can't defend and has actually been seen fleeing rebounds.  Like Finney-Smith, his height is not a huge asset and he's not bulky.  Will struggle if Duke's large humans actually materialize.   

Erick Green, 6-4 JR - - the point guard and a guy I'm really tired of.  We made him look great and so did Clemson in the quarters-plus round, but he struggled against NCSU in the regular season finale.  Why?  Because he can't play against bigger defenders.  Why oh why don't we put Rivers on him??  And have Rivers play the point too?  Am I the only one who has these ideas??  

Dorenzo Hudson, 6-5 SR - - also struggled against NCSU, because, again, he needs to be guarded by a small guy in order to score points.  So can Rivers be assigned to guard *him*, anyway?  Hello?  Coach K? 

BENCH?  Uhh.  Sure. 

C.J. Barksdale, 6-8 FR - - unidimensional garbage collector. 

Robert Brown, 6-5 FR - - no defense, no boarding, can't shoot, fouls a lot, and features terrible ballhandling.  Did I miss anything? 

Marquis Rankin, 6-1 FR - - relief guard; when he comes in, it's a relief - - to the other team. 

VPI will thug it up like the hoods they are, and because "they always play Duke tough," and we don't have Ryan Kelly, and black cat Len Elmore is doing the game, and for a thousand other reasons . . . none of that will matter and Duke will probably win by 15.  Capricious, are these Blue Devils.  Look, we're a lot more talented, that's for sure.  Hey, can Michael Gbinije play for seven minutes or so, before shipping out, and has anyone found Andre Dawkins?  I miss that guy.  Anyway, Kelly's minutes will presumably be swallowed up by the other two (2) acknowledged forwards, and oh yes, Hairston will play ten minutes if he's not still concussed.  Will this be enough?  Who knows. 

Duke 70, Virginia Polytechnic 68. 

Last Edition
Matt 0-1

This Season

Matt 10-6 
Guests 2-0

Last Edition's Score Prediction Margin Variance

Last Season:
Matt 52-18
Guests 3-3 


View more articles from this category


Posted by: tom Date: 3/9/2012 10:29:09 PM  
Also wanted to add that I'm watching the game on the local CBS so I was able to survive another ESPN crapcast. So much nicer to listen to Giminski.

Posted by: tom Date: 3/9/2012 10:08:42 PM  
I'm always surprised by every game. Tyler Thornton takes the most shots? He only made three 3's so kinda of backed up the theory. You know, you wonder if G already told K he was going to transfer but I think if that were the case he wouldn't even be on the bench. And he was there clapping and cheering for them so take that for what it is. Hairston played fine. Dawkins and Seth were non present. Rivers got the fouls and that was great hustle on that lay up near the end of the game. Mason did decent but try to hang on to the ball some please. It's a win and I'll take it. And I agree with Matt. Henson will have 20 and 15 tomorrow.

Posted by: ClemsonGuest Date: 3/9/2012 9:17:17 PM  
That's one of the first times I've really seen how stallball really hurts when Duke runs it.

Posted by: CDG Date: 3/9/2012 9:10:49 PM  

Posted by: Fats "Lazer" Durston Date: 3/9/2012 9:10:21 PM  

Posted by: Mark Buckner Date: 3/9/2012 9:09:59 PM  
Lazer, good stat to follow.

Posted by: Fats "Lazer" Durston Date: 3/9/2012 9:08:43 PM  
Stallball, so far: -4.

Posted by: Fats "Lazer" Durston Date: 3/9/2012 9:07:21 PM  
Stallball, so far: -3.

Posted by: Fats "Lazer" Durston Date: 3/9/2012 9:06:24 PM  
Stallball, so far: -1

Posted by: Fats "Lazer" Durston Date: 3/9/2012 9:05:33 PM  
RIVVVVVVERRRRRRSSSS!!!! (and whoever tipped it)

Posted by: CDG Date: 3/9/2012 9:05:23 PM  

Posted by: Fats "Lazer" Durston Date: 3/9/2012 9:04:05 PM  
Stallball, so far: -4. Pending...

Posted by: Fats "Lazer" Durston Date: 3/9/2012 9:00:32 PM  
Stallball score, so far: -2

Posted by: CDG Date: 3/9/2012 8:58:53 PM  
Hello Stallball.

Posted by: CDG Date: 3/9/2012 8:58:12 PM  

Posted by: CDG Date: 3/9/2012 8:57:56 PM  
No kidding ClemsonGuest/Fats

Posted by: Fats "Lazer" Durston Date: 3/9/2012 8:56:52 PM  
I don't understand why that isn't a slightly more common part of the repertoire.

Posted by: ClemsonGuest Date: 3/9/2012 8:55:27 PM  
Always love a nicely executed alley oop.

Posted by: Fats "Lazer" Durston Date: 3/9/2012 8:44:07 PM  

Posted by: CDG Date: 3/9/2012 8:43:52 PM  
Great call!

Posted by: Mark Buckner Date: 3/9/2012 8:43:46 PM  
Hello everyone. I just arrived home from work and we're up 4, now 10.

Posted by: Fats "Lazer" Durston Date: 3/9/2012 8:40:52 PM  
The school I work at just got knocked out. Nuts!

Posted by: CDG Date: 3/9/2012 8:39:45 PM  
This is such a bizarre game!

Posted by: Fats "Lazer" Durston Date: 3/9/2012 8:39:42 PM  
Approve K's TO.

Posted by: CDG Date: 3/9/2012 8:37:53 PM  
Drunk-slang encouraged, Fats.

Posted by: CDG Date: 3/9/2012 8:37:27 PM  
Hahaha, "switchblade". You're only NOW recognizing the thuggery?

Posted by: Fats "Lazer" Durston Date: 3/9/2012 8:31:26 PM  
C'mon Mase!

Posted by: Fats "Lazer" Durston Date: 3/9/2012 8:25:54 PM  

Posted by: Fats "Lazer" Durston Date: 3/9/2012 8:23:05 PM  
True dat, CDG (if I may be allowed drunk-slang).

Posted by: CDG Date: 3/9/2012 8:14:41 PM  
That boot does not look encouraging.

Posted by: CDG Date: 3/9/2012 8:13:03 PM  
Really - you're going to allow that right off the bat?????

Posted by: Serious G Date: 3/9/2012 8:07:23 PM  
True, ClemsonGuest.

I was one of the last holdovers who did not loathe Elmore. That ended this year, as my patience is wearing thin with these types. The constant Duke hating is bad enough - the self-aggrandizing "I would put all of these kids on their ass whilst averaging 23 and 15" just kills me. F this guy.

Bald Bastard? Loved his halftime comments. F him too.

We look bad but I like the scrappiness, I suppose.

Posted by: ClemsonGuest Date: 3/9/2012 7:58:24 PM  
Concerned that Green & Hudson will get hot in the 2nd half.

Posted by: Fats "Lazer" Durston Date: 3/9/2012 7:55:34 PM  
Grace from Hairston?!

Posted by: ClemsonGuest Date: 3/9/2012 7:53:42 PM  
Well Jack, if Clemson had made FTs last night then Duke would be playing us tonight...

Posted by: Fats "Lazer" Durston Date: 3/9/2012 7:51:59 PM  
Um, guys? Let's stop dribbling off our feet?

Posted by: Fats "Lazer" Durston Date: 3/9/2012 7:45:01 PM  
The O-bounds for VT coming from horrible bricking.

Posted by: Fats "Lazer" Durston Date: 3/9/2012 7:41:50 PM  

Posted by: Fats "Lazer" Durston Date: 3/9/2012 7:35:17 PM  
Let's get it to Mason when he has no one guarding him...

Posted by: Fats "Lazer" Durston Date: 3/9/2012 7:33:32 PM  

Posted by: CDG Date: 3/9/2012 7:28:06 PM  

Posted by: Fats "Lazer" Durston Date: 3/9/2012 7:26:47 PM  
Enjoyed the Nolan-ish Quinn move.

Posted by: Fats "Lazer" Durston Date: 3/9/2012 7:06:35 PM  
I, for one, am always amused by Bersticker jokes. I'm easy that way.

Posted by: Jack Green Date: 3/9/2012 6:38:03 PM  
Oops double post.

"looking uncomfortably like a penis" OMG. I mean you type things like LOL and ROTFL and YOMANK and then you see something like that and you actually are laughing and convulsing and spitting out Coke. This site has to be up there with deadspin as one of the funniest places on the Innernets.

Matt. Do not stop posting. Not allowed.

Posted by: Jack Green Date: 3/9/2012 6:34:36 PM  
ClemsonGuest, don't you always root for us? We always root for you.

Posted by: ClemsonGuest Date: 3/9/2012 6:15:04 PM  
Hey Duke, just make your free throws. We didn't, and that's why I'm rooting for Duke tonight.

Posted by: Matt Date: 3/9/2012 6:05:46 PM  
Second! Oh, wait, this is my site. [/nerd]

Yes, CDG. But back then I was a French major from whom they could hide anything. Now, I wield awesome power AND I'M LAYING IT ALL ON THE LINE!!! Or something. Actually, I hope I'm wrong about Kelly, but I'm probably not. K was Belichick before Belichick was. Good job we shirted Murphy and had no time for that walk-on Mike G.

BTW, Stick Figure will go for 20 and 15 tomorrow, with six blocks.

Posted by: CDG Date: 3/9/2012 5:28:10 PM  
If this was any other site (Read: ESPN) I'd be the jackass going "First!" right about here. Heh.

Excellent preview for an opponent we got screwed playing twice in Swoffie's roulette and now have to fend off a third time. Pray there are no other injuries!

Speaking of "injuries", I have always been intrigued by how Matt was so aware of the Duke injury report scale. Not that I doubted him but I alway wondered why he always knew that a "sprain" was a break, etc. Well, after reading "The Last Great Game" this past week, I learned that this is a long standing tradition. Not sure how I missed the fact that Davis's ankle "sprain" in 1992 was a break???? Just proves why Matt has a site and I don't!

Okay Duke, let's dispatch these clowns and bring VIP that much closer to dispatching their "coach".

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