TWO DUKIES PICK THE ACC
Volume XIII, Episode 36 (TD Micro)
February 27, 2010
THIRTEEN DOWN EDITION
Matt’s comments in blue.
duhomme's comments in red.
BOSTON COLLEGE (14-13, 5-8) @ GEORGIA INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY (18-9, 6-7)
Wow! The Nutcracker has authored an impressive two-game win streak, capped by a ridiculous 20-point home win over VPI, which was played under protest by the Bald Bastard of Blacksburg because he didn’t like the way the front desk clerk at the Hoodlums’ hotel looked at him. Meanwhile, this is a must-win game for the BugThugs, who have lost four out of six, and whose last real win (not against Kentucky State, North Carolina State, or North Carolina-Chapel Hill) was nearly one month ago versus Fake Worest.
Georgia Institute of Technology 74, Boston College 69.
The Ingineering Insects are under .500 in league play, and the NCAA Selection Overlords may decide the two wins over the regulars from the Chapel Hill YMCA count as exhibition games, making the need to win out the rest of the regular season probably necessary for Hew-itty-talent to maintain his already tenuous hold on his job. Whoops, a game at Clemson and then hosting Virginia Tech coming up - - two teams that are just as desperate. Meanwhile, the “leader” of the second and third letters of the alphabet is simply trying to pass time until next year’s class of mediocre recruits arrives on campus. Bonus sentence to point out that, unless I read the schedule wrong, we’re at the end of February and this is the first time these two squads are meeting.
Georgia Institute of Technology 74, Boston College 65.
NORTH CAROLINA-CHAPEL HILL (14-14, 3-10) @ WAKE FOREST (18-7, 8-5)
This one deserves a limitation-free sentence length. Here are the stats, which are either grim or boundlessly hilarious, and we lean toward the latter: UNC-CH has dropped seven of eight, ten of twelve, and eleven of fourteen. The Tools’ last win that did not involve the cooperation of a red-windbreakered circus act came on January 10 against VPI. The last win before that was on December 30 against Albany. You know, maybe if John Henson would just drop some of those extra pounds, he could really polish his game. Meanwhile, Rrhoid will be looking to get Marcus Ginyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard a sixth season of eligibility, so evidently enamored is he of the complete offensive zero’s game. TOOLFAN INTERNET SURVEY REPORT: The official blast fax from Tool Nation around the Internet currently reads as follows: (1) We never expected this team to do anything this season; (2) We can’t wait for Deon Thompson to graduate despite extolling his virtues as a peerless stud for the previous three seasons; (3) As to Marcus Ginyard, see #2, but make that “previous four seasons;” and (4) Gee, things might not be that much better next year either. They’re certainly on target with the last one. By the way, Wake is a joke this season, with two ACC road wins (one in the first game of this shocking two-game series), and two straight losses coming into this one, at Cassell by four and at the ESA by 14. Hey, at least Duke kept it to - - oh, that was also 14. Well, Wake under the Edward James Almost Administration is still a joke. The main rooting interest here is to keep NCCH out of the NIT. I’m pretty sure Dick Badodor and Roid will nobly decline the invite even if eligible, but I’d like to make sure.
Wake Forest 85, North Carolina-Chapel Hill 83.
When Wake Forest visited the Deeeeen Dome on Jan. 20, the Freakin’ Deacons delivered a beat-down that should have been reviewed by the MPAA before children were exposed to it. Incredibly, the Hoots have actually gotten WORSE since then. I don’t really have a third sentence on this game but figured I would use up my allotment anyway.
Wake Forest 257, North Carolina-Chapel Hill 1.
MARYLAND, COLLEGE PARK (20-7, 10-3) @ VIRGINIA TECH (21-6, 8-5)
Scaryland has three ACC road wins, more than anyone else except Duke, but Uncle Fester is at his most scuzzy and literally quite dangerous when his rolls of back far are up against the wall, like now. Sure, those 21 wins are a nice shiny object that may distract the idiots on the Selection Spetznaz, but it’s the emptiest 21-win season I can remember in a long time, and that’s in a conference featuring candy-ass schedule specialists like Purnell, Sweaty, and Sweet & Lowe. Although I want Azzkiz and Company to back off Duke, the nice benefit of this game if the Twerps pull it out is that VPI might start looking fairly shaky for the ACC’s last bid. Fourth sentence: good of the Swoffordian Scheduling Unit to slip this matchup in before season’s end!
Maryland, College Park 75, Virginia Tech 71.
As in the first game of this edition, these two programs managed to make it almost until March without seeing each other on the hardwood, but this tilt features two men who used to be neck-and-neck in the lead of the race for nuttiest coach in the ACC (Roy not only pulled ahead, but fired up the nitro rockets and has sailed out of sight of the pack). The Birdies has some ‘splainin to do after that embarrassing loss in Chesnutt Hill, while the Toropes (go look it up) and their Moist Managing Partner may be looking ahead to the revenge match against Duke next week. Plus, Virginia Tech, which does as good a job as any team in the conference at getting students in the game with giveaways, has declared this the “White Out” game.
Virginia Tech 71, Maryland, College Park 67.
NORTH CAROLINA STATE (15-13, 3-10) @ MIAMI (FLORIDA) (18-9, 4-9)
In lieu of the death penalty, Lt. Horatio Caine and anyone advising him on the unitary stewardship of a major metropolitan area have been sentencing hardboiled criminals by forcing them to watch this game in its entirety. The Supreme Court is reviewing on Eighth Amendment grounds, but since there’s no benefit to the Republican Party involved, the conservative majority of the good justices is not expected to act in time. The major Dukies.com interest here lies in pulling for the Wolfpunk so that Rrhoid and the Tools are one step closer to the cellar - - which will, hysterically, exclude them from the ACC-Big Ten Challenge next season, unless Swoffie intervenes, of course.
Miami (Florida) 2, North Carolina State 0.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the is exhibit I in the lawsuit Two Dukies v Having to Analyze a Late Season Game Between Teams That Are So Bad to Say They Suck Would Be an Insult to Teams That Have Actually Met That Standard. In recent years, I would have simply posted a recipe as filler, but started to run out. And, of course, in keeping with today’s theme, the Wookies and the Wheelchairs have yet to meet this season.
Miami 4, North Carolina State 3.
CLEMSON (19-8, 7-6) @ FLORIDA STATE (20-7, 8-5)
Florida State has really come on with three straight wins, but only reeling Virginia qualified as a real team in that string, and the Noids’ contest just before that was the first game (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) of this round-robin, which resulted in a ten-point Clemson win at Portajohn. Clemson matches up very well with Florida State and may very well take this one, but it’s pretty hard to pick against virtually any ACC home team, excepting the Tobacco Road-dwelling pair of cellar trolls.
Florida State 70, Clemson 69.
Make sure you have the smelling salts and probably the defibrillator handy before reading further: these two squads actually played each other once this year, in LittleBob on Feb 10 with the Kitties winning by 10. However, the Tiggers are dreadful on the road – their one win in conference play while not wearing white was against silly, dismiss-able N.C. State. Lame, for his part, has mostly held serve at home, although with an unexplainable loss to that same Red Blazer winning dope from Raleigh.
Florida State 78, Clemson 72.