TWO DUKIES PICK THE ACC
Volume XIII, Episode 34 (TD Micro)
February 24, 2010
JOCKEYING FOR JERKS EDITION
duhomme's comments in red.
Matt’s comments in blue.
VIRGINIA (14-11, 5-7) @ MIAMI (FLORIDA) (17-9, 3-9)A team that started strong but has begun to fade, presumably due to a lack of quality players on the roster and the need of a first-year coach to keep things simple at the risk other coaches will soon figure out what he was up to, comes calling to play a team that was never good (does Miami ever play on the road?) You would think You Vee Ayyyyy is due, but the Crutches haven’t played in nearly a week, while the Pronouns just got their collective determiners handed to them by Clemson on Saturday. Of course, you could make the point that Miami actually hasn’t played all season.
The Hurryclowns’ tough stance at home, combined with five straight losses by the Hoos, has to mean that this one will go the way of . . . Miami, Mr. Wolfe. Virginia’s decline is sad, because Tony Bennett remains one of the most likeable and talented new coaches in the ACC in many a year. One trusts that the Virginia administration, which showed patience with the preposterous Large Cranial Pete and the slick-talking, results-free Dave Lameao will not let this late-season fade bring down their opinion of Bennett - - and besides, the Cravs still have a shot at the NIT.
Miami (Florida) 75, Virginia 64.
Miami (Florida) 68, Virginia 60.
FLORIDA STATE (19-7, 7-5) @ NORTH CAROLINA-CHAPEL HILL (14-13, 3-9)
One senses that Rrhoy is going to have to start reaching deep into history for his comparisons intending to illustrate to us just how “catastrophic” his failure this season has been. World War I, perhaps? I know someone who can play the role of a chilling, scythe-wielding, 6-8 Archduke Ferdinand.
Florida State 74, North Carolina-Chapel Hill 72.
I am currently preparing a lawsuit against my employer here at Dukies.com on the claim that having to pay any meaningful attention to this pathetic group masquerading as a basketball team in Chapel Hill constitutes a hostile workplace. Meanwhile, what little, itty-bitty tread of Coach Yokel’s sanity that was left went “snap recently,” as he is now publically calling out his players and challenging their effort/manhood, in an answer to the oft-asked question going into this season: can this guy display any less class? Now we have the third-best defense in the conference facing off against his basement-dwelling squad in that statistical category. A fourth sentence to note that if warp your punctuation enough, you can fit quite a lot in the first three.
Florida State 74, North Carolina-Chapel Hill 69.
VIRGINIA TECH (21-5, 8-4) @ BOSTON COLLEGE (13-13, 4-8)
One of the greatest parts of beating Virginia Tech under the despotic reign of the Bald Bastard of Blacksburg is the satisfaction in the routine lack of class that said worthy displays during and after the game. You didn’t have to read real far between the lines to guess that Uncle Fester had some issues with the ooooooooooobviously Duke-biased officiating (my favorite sequence - - Lance gets brutally hammered by two players, including ejection-seeking goon Allen, down low, loses the ball out of bounds, no foul called; VPI inbounds, Nolan called for a reach 40 feet from the basket) on Sunday night, and gee - - that was just too bad. I’ve never understood why this consummate tool thinks that he can hire three or four hoods to try to slap the opposition around with some malicious headhunting, then put on a halo and straight-facedly imply that the opposition gets all the calls. I’m rooting for the Nutcracker in this one, which doesn’t happen every day, even in the world of fourth sentences.
Virginia Tech 72, Boston College 71.
After being not-so-politely shown the door by Duke Sunday night, Seth’s Street Gang takes their increasingly tiresome, and more increasingly dangerous, act involving broken bottles, chains and nail-embedded baseball bats to New England (but only after Dorenzo Hudson received medical treatment for an injury suffered when Nolan Smith rammed his face into Hudson’s arm), where a group of Tutu-wearing dancers will certainly cower, if not run away screaming into the Charles River. Boston College comes into this one well rested after a weekend scrimmage against a junior high school team from Chapel Hill, N.C., led by a truly disturbed person who has no clue how to develop players or put together a game plan. As a bonus that you don’t have to pay extra for, here is video of Seth Greenberg’s pre-Duke press conference.
Virginia Tech 76, Boston College 70.
CLEMSON (19-7, 7-5) @ MARYLAND, COLLEGE PARK (19-7, 9-3)
Scaryland has won three in a row, and beat the BugThugs Saturday on a late three by Tahj Holden possessing the body of noted distance gunner Cliff Tucker, but I guess that wasn’t enough to impress the Associated Guess poll voters, who left Sweaty’s Squadron off of their ballot this week. Meanwhile, the Tiggers have also won three straight and four of five, and when these two teams last met (no - - THIS season!!!), it was Outrageous Ollie and company who emerged victorious, 62-53. By now you’re realized that the aforementioned game occurred at Littlejohn, while this one will be at More Restrooms Arena.
Maryland, College Park 75, Clemson 72.
If you didn’t catch the fascinating end of the Maryland/Geo Tech game over the weekend, here’s the recap: the Bugs take the lead with three seconds left, Merryland inbounds the ball and races up the floor where the Caracas Kook heaves up the game-winning shot. Except some dope on the UMDCP bench (reportedly Keith Booth) had called a timeout before Gravy-ous released the ball. The shot is being taken by your best player and you think the best strategy is to give the team LESS time for the final play? I am punishing myself for my smug comments at the time, along the lines of “Oh, no way they can win now,” by imposing a fine of a fourth sentence about Maryland to write: they ended up hitting yet a second buzzer beater to get the victory.
Clemson 68, Maryland 67.